MATERIALIST DOT NET

editing the massive file I have of my old journal, which ran on another site for a year and a half, I came across this particular dream entry. it made me laugh then, and it still makes me laugh today. secretly, I think it says a lot about who I think I am.

america: the first new closed ecosystem of the mind in the digital age. brave frontier and vanguard of the age of narcissism. a moral edifice built on self-help platitudes lifted from the rainbow hug-me section of the nearest bookstore.

GWB would be an entertaining addition to a saturday morning cartoon lineup. 

I fantasize that one day, someone will release Tekken Tag: Presidential Edition, where different digitized world leaders beat the crap out of each other with special combo moves... imagine the Blair-Bush "nuclear airstrike / illegal sanction" combo that only works against muslim leaders in the third world, and saps their strength by starving, then charcoaling their civilian populations...

happy american foreign policy day.

I'm starting a campaign to abolish killer whales and use them for pet food. or better, feed them to the ethiopians. specifically, feed keiko to the ethiopians. and feed the fucking morons that pumped $26 million dollars into the blubberball airflift project to the ethiopians as well.

money sent to me will be used to inform people about the savage and murderous behaviour of killer whales, and illuminate the public... duped by the evil leftie multinational propaganda programs of whale sympathising commie terrorists... abouyt how KILLER WHALES tend to be al-qauida sympathisers.

the line of argument is clearly sound, and establishes beyond reasonable doubt the links between KILLER WHALES and the TRAGIC EVENTS of SEPTEMBER 11th. the line of argument, which sadly must remain secret for methodological reasons, and to protect the safety of our contacts, completely justifies wiping out the KILLER WHALES, the dolphins, and the entire giraffe population of northern africa. THEY ARE ANIMALS DAMMIT!

we can however reveal there is no proof that keiko's relatives, drawn to extreme action by the plight of the captive blubberball, did not conspire with al quaida operatives to plant mines on america ships stationed in the gulf or in the middle east during the turbulent nineties.

we also have pictures of palestinian children, armed with dangerous rocks and pebbles, riding on the backs of KILLER WHALES towards the israeli border.

if you don't believe this, it's because you are not a head of state and and for sound democratic reasons are therefore not qualified to hear the full line of argument. that's why you've elected people to govern for you, right?

Keiko's KILLER WHALE relatives were probably trained by the disillusioned and murder-wired dolphins the us army empowered with nasal tacnukes and used in its kamikaze dolphin programme... yet another tragic consequence of misguided US militarisation of originally harmless living beings.

in fact, KILLER WHALES are not black and not white. neither are arabs. hmmmm...

so KILLER WHALES fund terrorism! and they KILL BABY SEALS!

MAKE THE SEAS SAFE FOR BABY SEALS!

DEATH TO THE BABY MURDERERS!

SEAL AID.

I'm trying to think of a good name.

the NUKE A KILLER WHALE TODAY campaign might work. not very subtle, but hey... this is not an age for subtlety.

part of the funding will be used to staple dead baby seal bodies to posters of free willy 8.

another part will involve dressing volunteers up as giant black and white rubber dildos with sharp teeth and having them throw cats or stray dogs through the air to each other, softening them up before tearing their heads off and eating them raw. all in public of course.

david attenborough has agreed to provide a wheezing sideline commentary on the 'majestic cruelty of these pant pant noble animals pant pant as they engage in this pant pant ancient cyclic dance of pant pant life and death, pant pant, predator and prey'.

if we get enough funding we'll also use water cannons to spray liquefied baby seal entrails and fur on people coming out of disney films in the cinemas.

and one day, will eisner will wake up, one glorious sunday morning, mind full of fresh nauseating ideas about how to cut another few slices off the rotting avocade of American moral intelligence... and he'll turn around... and instead of that lovely little trannie bimbo he picked up in the parking lot last night... he'll find himself in bed with 500 pounds of steaming, rubbery, soaked, blubber-leaking, fish-breathed, freshly decapitated Orca head.

soaked in whale blubber and sea mammal blood, we'll see how many more free willy films he can squeeze out of his brain toothpaste tube...

just a quick update.

I'm recently single, after 3.5 years, and rephrasing myself as one of the recently unattached.

after much to and fro I'm moving up to cambridge at the end of september to start my MPhil in polar science. hopefully, the first year of a three-year PhD in social anthropology or polar science. this depends on funding issues and my ability to wrestle the bureaucratic monkey to the ground and force it to give me what I want goddamit!

elsewise, I achieved none of the possible tasks I set myself at the end of last year when I pondered the coming 9 months of inactivity. I have not written the great new novel, I have not written any of my cuborg paper ideas, in fact, I have scarcely written anything.

much less done anything else particularly constructive. this has given me some valuable life experience lessons on the power of inertia, which is in my case never to be underestimated.

having said that, I have had my nietzsche paper published, I have produced a series of pretty solid grant application for an obscene amount of money, I have made friendly contact with the great reindeerologist himself, mister robert paine.

the entire field of norwegian social reindeerology also knows of my project and has a copy of my project description on their desks, thanks to the ubiquitous power of email...

I've also translated about 12 chapters of Hodgsons House on the Borderland into norwegian, for some obscure reason that I least of all understand, but which has provided me with some level of understanding of the complexities that govern the copyright laws regarding the public domain, in america and elsewhere...

and in the last month I've buried an old friend and an old relationship, said as well as resurrecting a very very old tangled friendship-cum-erotic liaison (the friendship bit, that is, not the erotic liaison. hopefully we're grown up enough not to go to bed with each other at inopportune times now...) and discovering that my old friend the anarchist-turned-rastafara has now turned another leaf over and become the deserted father of a two-year old boy...

a strange tangled web of endings and beginnings. the glass is more than ever half-empty/half-full. but half-full of a strange and ensnaring liquid...

you reemerge from stupor long enough to read a few news headlines, and you realise things get worse, not better when you look away for a while.

I won't even mention the monkey president, you-know-who. except to point out that quality time at the ranch rates above the world conference in johannesburg. enquiring minds wonder what he does out there, except practice shooting liberals and helping his Father forge the One Ring, eagerly helped by the media nazghuls...

speaking of deranged subhuman americans, kuddly keiko the killer whale, the cuddliest animal that ever lived on baby seals, is in the news again. after countless millions of dollars on rehabilitating the damn animal for a life in the wild, the wretched beast (that has spent 24 of its 26 years in capitivity, in contact with only humans) is rejected by his killerwhale peer group and seeks into the norwegian fjords. terrible failure.

what do you expect, I say. and WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS!!! the damn animal is not happier in the wild, any more than any of you degenerate human animals would be happy in the jungle, dammit.

multimillion acts of ego self-fuck. unbelievable. people: it's one. animal. you could buy a whole village, nay, an entire county chock full of wide-eyed, telegenic little african kids for that kind of money. but they're not as cute, are they.

(and they're all dying of aids. black emaciated little skeleton children are not living (/dying) disney matinee material, I guess... nay. give us the simple moral pleasures of helping animals that request nothing, answer nothing, speak nothing, understand nothng... and most of all, die underwater when they die, living happy eternal dreamlives in our fantasy dreamworlds.)

and african kids! phooey. they're human, too! man. detracts from the speechless charm of keiko and the like. quoth the frenzied activists who want to KILL the norwegian expert that suggested putting the poor animal out of its misery.

go ahead. kill the iconoclast for threatening your giant black rubber dildo fetish sea mammal! get a proper obsession, you militant disney weirdos out there.

I blame disney for inventing the token act of redemptive animal kindness. help one animal in distress, and you're a good person. you walk hand in hand into the sunset in the last shot.

disney created the space and the moral matrix within which the bambi generation can mount its multimillion celluloid moral masturbations on the stage of reality and spend millions and millions of dollars to get one fucking hulk of sealeating carnivore monstrosity "back into the wild where it belongs". and then it fails.

who the fuck pays for the "save keiko" campaign? people who don't give money to beggars, is my guess. for the most part. happy well-adjusted middleclass who shared happy family oments in front f the tv watching free willy.

what about the 48 pigs that went into making "babe"? who cares? most of them were probably eaten anyway. who cares. pigs are an "eating animal", whales are a "lovable" animal.

man, people suck. even when they try, they just suck. 

I blame disney and the monkey robot masters.