Saturday 29 July 2006 at 8:11 pm
walked into town today in the blazing heat. modified thermal khakis, tremendous white sunglasses, black hemp rucksack. shirtless with a week's worth of scalp-stubble,
'sonic empire' on my headphones. bumped into two friends en route; tall bald danish scion of darkness on his bike, and canadian pixie wielding square sunglasses from a truckstop in honduras. brief chat with both, aligned to meet up soon as fellow survivors, inmates of summer cambridge in the emptiness and heat.
a remote segment of my consciousness registers that things would be good, if I had the psychic capacity to register their goodness. working on a first draft for my introduction; once I have the central theoretical concepts in place, the other chapters can probably be aligned to generate correct conclusions, and appropriate surgery can be undertaken to remove red herrings and surplus information. unfortunately, if I mention this it tends to suggest to others that I am at a much more advanced stage of writing than I actually am. to anyone reading this: no, I am not.
in other news, my new career goal is
transverberation by age 35, and I'm considering whether to heed the call of the virgin mary and go to
medjugorje. failing that,
idealist.org tells me there is a
cervical cancer charity in guatemala looking for a volunteer to
write newsletters, make pamphlets and brew coffee. hi ho.
Saturday 22 July 2006 at 7:15 pm
bit by bit rome is being dismantled, and a phantom haunts the chapter drafts of my thesis.
between the lines I've started to discern its possible final form; a sleek and powerful thing of the future, darting in and out of view, shining and bright, full of mockery. the abysmal gap that separates it from the patchwork reality of the present, and my dishevelled jottings frustrates me to the threshold of pain; the heat and the task of broaching it keep me up at night. the strain has made my skin break out with painful marks. hence, I am going to london for the weekend.
Monday 17 July 2006 at 6:42 pm
over the week-end time condensed, acquiring the smooth fleshy texture of a sweet liquid. today, returned to my thesis, the sun beats down like a hammer made of heavy light. stings my skin, scrambles the space behind my eyes. beyond the narrow horizon of the immediate, responsibilities fade into the impossible distance.
apologies to those who expect things from me. like hotel bookings and confirmation faxes.
Thursday 13 July 2006 at 4:01 pm
woke today feeling restive and chafed; the world a pestering thorn in my side, my skin a flypaper for grievances waiting to happen. I crave permanence and escape, reassurance and isolation. I want something of moderate value to be suddenly destroyed. if I roll with the current, I roll my fifth-chapter-to-be into a ball and use it to grow dungbeetles. I probably shouldn't.
Monday 10 July 2006 at 11:19 pm
upon a first consultation in months, a coin-tossing algorithm generates hexagram 34 - The Power of the Great - with a transforming yang line in 1, turning into hexagram 32 - Duration. 34 denotes great gathering force poised to act at the correct time, in concordance with a principle of aligned inner unity. appropriate timing is key, and the hexagram warns against deviation:
"Thunder in heaven above:
The image of THE POWER OF THE GREAT.
Thus the superior man does not tread upon paths
That do not accord with established order."
the venerable wilhelm interprets the transforming line in 1 thus, reinforcing the aspect of patience:
"The toes are in the lowest place and are ready to advance. So likewise great
power in lowly station is inclined to effect advance by force. This, if carried
further, would certainly lead to misfortune, and therefore by way of advice a
warning is added."
the resolution of the situation, in 32, yields this rather unambiguous pronouncement:
"Thunder and wind: the image of DURATION.
Thus the superior man stands firm
And does not change his direction."
workwise and otherwise, the reading cuts pretty sharply to the quick of the current situation, and the alignment of forces - and unequivocally confirms my take on it. not that I seek validation, really: but it never hurts to have the mystical oracles on your side.
Saturday 08 July 2006 at 11:23 pm
about a month ago I missed the 13-year reunion of my broodmates from secondary school, back in norway. browsing through the pictures was a strange blend of recognition and glazed unfamiliarity. some looked like themselves with goatees, some it took me a minute or more to recognize, and with some I still have no idea who they might have been, or what they might have looked like back then. imagine most of them would feel the same about me.
Saturday 08 July 2006 at 7:31 pm